Paul Brennan

A legal road less travelled My resume states, "Schooling: St Thomas More, Chelsea, London", however my school report read, "Lazy, talkative and notable". I thought "notable" did not sound too bad until I realized it was "not able". They were the days before parent rage stalked school halls and teachers would give their unrestrained opinions, such as my gym teacher who wrote "physically immobile". Today, I would probably get a more subtly insulting "You must be very proud of him". I left school having failed every exam, except art. I had lost both parents by the age of 11. This gave me an independence and freedom, of which most teenagers could only dream. I made a promising start by taking up smoking and hitch-hiking around Europe. However, my "walk on the wild side" ended when I joined London's Metropolitan Police Cadets. I was 16. My father had been a policeman at West End Central and I wanted to follow in his footsteps. The reality, however, was marching, exercise, study and discipline. I was terrible at it all or so they said, however, there was a gradual improvement. After two years, I had achieved average. The Police Sergeants, who were our instructors, did this by shouting "Move yourself" and "Shut up"; Still good advice for me today. At 18, I was a judo instructor for 8-12 year olds at a US Summer Camp Counselor. As Woody Allen said, "the bigger the opponent, the bigger the beating" but I did not tell them that. Within four years my resume would record LL.B (Hons). My first job was as a law clerk at McMillan Binch, a large Toronto firm. Unlike Australia, an Englishman in Canada is not immediately disliked, they wait a few minutes. Finally, I started two year articles in a general practice called Rimmers in Aylesbury, UK. Years later I was to base the look of my legal cartoon character on my long suffering and kind Principal, John Fortgang who eventually became a judge. Now people ask if it is me. In 1982, I qualified, met Lord Denning and married a lawyer. I became a solicitor at New Scotland Yard and then at the criminal firm, which once represented Christine Keeler. In 1985, my wife and I opened the first Brennans solicitors in Lewisham, South London. On the first weekend someone carved their initials into our brass plate and a man was murdered in the pub next door. I represented up to 5 defendants a day in London's Magistrates Courts: Burglary, drink driving, assaults. Soon, I employed other people to go to court as the property boom was creating a lot of legal work. After two years, we emigrated to Sydney. Within 6 months of arriving, the flat property market boomed and my wife and I had set up Brennans no. 2. The boom ended and we went to Hong Kong, where we stayed for 10 years. At first I was a consultant at a criminal firm: Smugglers, Madams and a transvestite shop lifter. It was an improved class of criminal clientele and better dressed too. After that I was at the Hong Kong Law Society conducting investigations, disciplinary proceedings and intervening in failed solicitors firms. For the next 5 years, I was at the US Multi-national, Intel conducting anti-piracy raids in Asia: Limos, stock options, 5 star hotels and no billable hours. Like most people working in-house, I resent any of you for thinking that it was easy. After Intel, I was called to the bar and became a tenant barrister in the Middle Temple, London. From there, I was head hunted to be General Counsel of the Federation Against Software Theft to conduct enforcement and lobbying in the UK and Europe. I became a post graduate in IP law and wrote my first book. Later I was sent as an EU IP enforcement expert as part of a delegation to Beijing. I haven't been invited back. Now, I am in general practice with my wife on Queensland's Sunshine Coast. We have four children and yes I did lecture them on the importance of hard work by skating over my own school record, as most parents do. Extract from an article which first appeared in the Queensland's Law Society Magazine The Proctor in 2008. Prior Work My books on law have titles like “The Art of War, Peace and Palaver: The Contentious Guide to Legal Disputes”, “The Law is an Ass…Make sure it doesn’t bite yours!”, “The 10 Greatest Legal Mistakes in Business …and how to avoid them”, “A Legal Guide to Dying….Baby Boomers Edition”. Hang On To It Girl: The Wily Woman's Guide to Wills. It is the sort of daily advice that small firm lawyers give to their clients. My two books for lawyers are “101 Reasons To Kill all the Lawyers: That Part which Laws or Lawyers can Cause or Cure” and “I'll Have The Law On You: The Selected Letters of John Fytit”. Both books are supposed to be funny but are not so funny that the busy lawyer needs to read either of them. I speak at events and I am an occasional MC. I produced an ebook “Funny I Said That: How to use humour in speeches, business presentations, 30 second introductions, whenever and wherever”. From 2007 to 2017, I was an enthusiastic blogger at http://www.101reasonstokillallthelawyers.com/. It has legal cartoons and humorous legal articles. It takes all the bad things people say about the law and the legal industry. It examines each one. I decided on 101 reasons as I didn’t want to depress the entire legal profession by having 1,001. I have a monthly eZine called “Law & Disorder”. I have drawn legal cartoons for the Australian Financial Review, Hong Tatler and various other publications. "For a profession known for taking itself rather seriously, lawyers are also exceptionally good at seeing the funny side of the practice of law. There are few better at the art of skewering the pretensions and idiosyncrasies of legal practice than Queensland lawyer Paul Brennan, author of the Law & Disorder website which, for years, has been dispensing useful legal advice heavily disguised as comedy. As well as tips on topics such as “The 10 Greatest legal mistakes in business .... and how to avoid them.”, the site is host to caustic and comic legal cartoons, an ezine and more" Law Institute Journal (Victoria)